Proximity to Collective Healing: Why We Must Step Closer to Those We’ve “Othered”
As a clinical psychologist, I have spent years listening to people’s stories—stories of pain, resilience, misunderstanding, and transformation. One theme I’ve seen in both therapy rooms and the world outside is this: we cannot heal collectively if we remain distant from one another. This was a theme that was spoken about extensively by Bryan Stevenson at the APA convention.
Proximity is not simply about being physically near someone. It’s about emotional closeness, shared humanity, and the willingness to bridge divides created by fear, ignorance, or long-standing social wounds. True collective healing requires us to step toward—not away from—those we’ve learned to “other.”
The Danger of the Distance
When we “other” a person or group, we reduce them to stereotypes or labels. This distancing—physical, emotional, and psychological—allows us to hold on to assumptions without the discomfort of challenge. We might form opinions based on headlines, cultural myths, or one-sided stories. Over time, these beliefs calcify, and we start relating to an idea of a person, not the person themselves.
In the absence of proximity, empathy struggles to grow. We miss the complexities, contradictions, and humanity in others. The more distant we remain, the easier it is to rationalize indifference or even harm.
Why Proximity Heals
Proximity allows us to engage with the full humanity of others. When we sit in someone’s living room, hear their voice crack as they share a personal struggle, or see the pride in their community’s traditions, something shifts in us. We begin to see common threads: the longing for safety, love, belonging, and dignity.
Healing—both personal and collective—requires breaking down the walls of “us” and “them.” As humans, our nervous systems are wired for connection. Being in relationship with people we once perceived as “other” activates this wiring and makes space for mutual care. This does not mean ignoring harm or injustice, but rather understanding that healing and justice are intertwined, and both require relationship.
Moving Beyond Comfort Zones
Collective healing often begins in discomfort. Visiting communities we’ve never entered, initiating conversations across lines of difference, or hearing perspectives that challenge our worldview can feel unsettling. But discomfort is not a danger signal—it’s often the first step toward growth.
As a psychologist, I often remind people that the stories we tell ourselves shape our emotional landscape. When our stories about “others” remain unexamined, they can silently perpetuate division. But when we replace those stories with lived, relational experiences, our capacity for compassion expands.
Practical Ways to Move Closer for Healing
If you are committed to collective healing, here are some ways to begin:
Start with curiosity, not certainty. Ask open-ended questions about someone’s experience instead of assuming you understand it.
Go to the spaces where people live and gather. Attend a cultural event, visit a community center, or volunteer with a local organization that serves a group you know little about.
Engage in reciprocal learning. Don’t just “study” another community—allow yourself to be influenced, changed, and enriched by what you learn.
Challenge your media diet. Read books, watch films, and follow creators from communities different from your own.
Practice sustained engagement. One-time interactions can be meaningful, but healing requires ongoing relationships and trust.
Proximity to collective healing is not a single act—it’s a lifelong orientation. It’s a choice to see humanity where you once saw only difference, to replace suspicion with understanding, and to transform the distance between us into a shared space of possibility.
We cannot heal what we will not face, and we cannot face what we keep at arm’s length. Step closer. Listen deeper. Allow proximity to do its work.
